Friday, May 15, 2009


1. You started playing golf because Play It Again Sports
gave you an even swap on a set of golf clubs for your
old StairMaster.

2. The only muscles you have are golf muscles and only
your bathroom mirror knows this truth.

3. Your once had visions of joining the senior tour when
you retired until you found out that triple digit scores
would not qualify you.

4. The last time you played a skins game you had to
mortgage the house to cover your losses.

5. The PGA Tour had a charity tournament to pay for
your golf lessons.

6. A video of your golf swing got 5 million hits on
You Tube.

7. You hit so many water balls that you carry a wetsuit
in your bag.

8. Pro golfers throw things at you to when you ask for
their autograph.

9. The only thing of value your got you from your
divorce was a box of Pro-V1's which the lawyer kept for
his fee.

10. When you play by yourself, you still don't win.

11. You were able to "fix" the last golf tournament you

12. You threw your underwear at Tiger while attending
the Masters in Augusta this year. He complemented you
on your tiger costume.

13. You have Golf plays that you call while on the

14. You charge $20 or more for an autograph while
playing, no takers yet.

15. Your handicap is over 20 but still dream of
making $9 million per season on the pro circuit.

16. You took golf lessons from Charles Barkley.

17. You read the book, "How To Break The Rules
And Get Away With It."

18. Your 5 year ban from Augusta ended last year.

19. You do everything possible to disrupt the play
of your opponents.

20. Your golf shorts have never been in the laundry.

21. You have a 3-stroke limit per shot.

22. You have exceptional intelligence and can count
to over 100 except when you play golf.

23. You change the rules as you play.

24. You have to be accompanied by bodyguards when
you play at your club.

25. You wear a shirt that says "Leave me alone" when
you play.

26. Other golfers tend to taunt and punch you, hence,
the bodyguards.

27. Pro golfers try to renegotiate their earnings
when they see you following them.

28. Golf is the only thing that you are in shape
to do.

29. The only time you drink and drive is when you
play golf.

30. You don't hear birds chirping when you approach
your ball like when you watch a pro golf tournament
on TV and wonder why.

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