Friday, February 09, 2007


Things seem to be unraveling this week:

The bizarre trip of Astronaut Lisa Nowak putting on an Astronaut's diaper and driving 900 miles to do harm to Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman in Orlando Florida, for catching the affection of Astronaut William Oefelein. Guess she hasn't come down from space yet.

Anna Nicole Smith dying hours after Rosie goes on a rant about her, bad timing.

Ryan O'Neal thinking he was in a movie set saloon, shooting a hole in his ceiling to restore law and order in his household after finding his younger son Redmond tied up in a dog run by his older son to prevent him from taking anymore drugs.

Al Gore apparently rendered despondent by the weight of his environmental knowledge, wants to have it that the greener-than-thou crowd is saintly, while the producers of cars, power, food, fiber, roads, and roofs are appalling. The simplex "good vs. evil" theme of his little movie.

This got Nancy Pelosi to thinking that she would look good in a swankier jet that produces 10,000 pounds of carbon dioxide an hour, and tried to rationalize her own contribution to global warming.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007


Mr. and Mrs. Coots are retired and Mrs. Coots insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart, but he gets bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Coots loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to Mrs. Coots...

Dear Mrs. Coots,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite acommotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both or youfrom our stores. We have documented all incidents on our videosurveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Coots are listed below. things Mr. Bill Coots has done while his spouse was shopping inWal-Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them inpeople's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in a officialtone, "Code 3" in housewares.............and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag ofM&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpetedarea.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and toldother shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he beginsto cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me a lone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are?
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly hummingthe "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsedthrough, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" And last but not least.............
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waitedawhile, then yelled very loudly, "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!!"

Regards, Wal-Mart